Blonde - I #%$@# Loved It!

Isn't it easier to live life as someone else? As if you were watching a movie through the eyes of a character you created. A character that can take all the blows the world throws at you. Not the world, people.

Let's get this straight right off the bat: This isn't an autobiography. It does blur the line between Marilyn's life as we know it and the fiction we see, but the true facts are spicier than the whole dish.

In the film, Norma Jean made Marilyn Monroe her alter ego. In this way, every failure would reflect on Marilyn, and so would every success. Norma Jean keeps her identity to herself and doesn't let it corrupt her. It's similar to the Greek religion, where artists, scientists, and other creators believed that every idea was a gift from the muse. When they failed, it was the muse that failed; when they succeeded, they remained humble.

Andrew Dominik, the director of "Blonde," said in an interview, "Marilyn is both an armor and a prison," which is what makes her so relatable. We're our own guards, jury, and executioners of the worst kind. We see courage and fear, confidence and self-doubt as opposites, but the truth is, when we accept both as our companions, we remain humble, strive harder, seek more knowledge, and enjoy the journey. Unlike Marilyn, who embraced self-doubt as her ally, most of us only accept it reluctantly.

Now we come to my favorite part and the one I most related to as a woman: Society's expectations vs. My ambitions. I know, I know, I'm a strong, independent woman, and I can do what I want. But when I turned 30, all I saw was everything I wasn't, and not what I was. The checklist of society's expectations was empty: I lived with my parents, didn't have a partner, people questioned my sexual preferences because I didn't date, I had no kids, and I was still searching for a fulfilling job.

But here's what I do have: a strong relationship with my family, loyalty, and good friendships. I keep in touch with my childhood friend, meditate a lot, and work on finding the path to my big dreams. And you know what? I'm a good person. So why was I focused on everything I wasn't when I was on the path I wanted? The answer is: I forgot to enjoy the journey. I forgot to appreciate who I am at this moment.

Returning to Marilyn in "Blonde": She was torn between being the dream wife who cooks and lives in a small house with a providing husband and at least two kids, and being the damn movie star she was! She was so ambitious and so full of self-doubt that she wanted to learn from everyone. That made her humble and open to new techniques and ideas, which, in my humble opinion, is what makes a person smart—being open to learning and growing.

My favorite shot in "Blonde" is the bluntest I've ever seen in a movie: Marilyn going down on President Kennedy. An extreme close-up of her head moving up and down, her mouth open for so long it hurts my jaw, and we hear her inner monologue. She pretends it's a scene, turning this horrible experience into a pretend act. Not real. And that's one way people deal with trauma. Throughout the movie, cracks appeared in my heart, but at that moment, my heart broke. For Marilyn and for all sex victims who have ever been hurt and continue to be hurt.

And now, for the subject, I know nothing about as a woman: hormones. I was born with them but don't understand them. Marilyn suffered from endometriosis. The truth is, I had to google it. Unfortunately, the disease isn't very well known, and even doctors often misdiagnose it, sending women for psychological treatment and prescribing addictive painkillers. Endometriosis causes excruciating pain during periods and struggles with fertility. It's said that the pain was so bad Marilyn had to stop driving and lay down on the sidewalk in pain.

I think all Marilyn wanted in her life was love. Love from her mother, from neighbors, from a husband, from directors and producers, and from viewers. But she needed love from herself. Why do we need to learn to love ourselves? We're born with self-love and lose it along the way. Why do we prefer love from the outside world rather than from within? Perhaps it's easier and faster. And since no one tells us the truth, we ignore everything we don't like about ourselves and continue to play the character others see in us. In some ways, that's liberating. In some ways, it's painless, and in some ways, it numbs the truth.

Growing up, I had an unexplainable obsession with Hollywood and its stars. Marilyn's life was always a part of mine, a legend I knew everything about, and I think she would have LOVED this film. It's bold and unapologetic, full of life and a celebration of emotion, just like Marilyn was, on-screen and off. The desire to live on screen as a colorful character with so much to give the audience, almost as if that's the only way she could really give people love: laughter, questions, sometimes tears, and when things get dramatic, all the lights and music are in place to punctuate the emotions. Off-screen, Norma Jean was a young woman learning to accept and forgive herself, embracing life. Had she had more time, she would have learned that her imperfections made her perfect. In other words, she would have learned to love herself.

The public portrays Marilyn as a white woman victimized in a man's world, but Norma Jean wasn't. Norma Jean was a dreamer, and through Marilyn, she managed to live in her creation. She chose to stay kind and focused on her work, struggling all her life with endometriosis, self-doubt, and disappointment from people.

The cinematography is beautiful. Film noir mixed with modern fantasy. Many scenes recreate memories, making us feel we are with her for a moment. The happy life on the beach or the iconic moments on the street when the wind stirs up her dress.

To be honest, I don't know why the movie got such bad reviews. It's the first movie in years that made me feel, think, and ask questions. It seems like society was treading water as time went on, and the film isn't afraid to stand by its bold choices, something lost in many films today. Perhaps the film addresses everything I'm afraid of: being misunderstood, being controlled, and relying too much on others' opinions. Being my own worst armor and prison.

I feel like everything I'm saying is a bit chaotic, but maybe that fits the movie. Emotional chaos. Marilyn was and still is an icon in our culture, and so she belongs to everyone. I think that gives the makers of "Blonde" the freedom not to stick to the facts and not write an autobiography. Let's face it, every recent autobiography has aimed to be interesting enough for a two-hour movie, creating beautiful lies to shape what we know about the singer and actress.

We must strive to be good and kind. For some, that's easier than for others. Like Marilyn, who held her heart good.